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No matter whether you incorporate a sex toy, use your hands, or get a little creative with water in the shower, masturbation isn't just a fun way to spend "me time." It's also good for your health -- and your current and future relationship(s).
"Masturbation releases stress and anxiety," says Leah Millheiser, MD, clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Stanford University. "We know that you get total-body relaxation after an orgasm, which is great for someone who's tense." It can also increase blood flow to the genitals, which can in turn keep your vagina healthy, Millheiser adds.
Plus, because you're able to experiment on your own, masturbation is a low-pressure way to learn what feels good -- which can improve sex with a partner, too, says Megan Fleming, PhD, a psychologist and sex therapist. Maybe you realize clitoral stimulation is an absolute must to climax, or perhaps you discover deep penetration is what gets you to O-town (and beyond). "Relay that insight to your partner and you're destined for better partnered sex, including orgasms, which promote bonding," says Fleming.
Ahead, your expert-backed guide to all the best masturbation techniques, whether you're totally new to solo play or you already have a go-to routine.
"Start by creating a relaxing, comfortable space in your home, full of privacy and free of interruption," says certified sex therapist Janet Brito, PhD. To elevate the atmosphere, you might also try putting on a sensual playlist to create a comfortable, sexy vibe, adds AASECT-certified sex therapist Heather Brooks Rensmith. (Smooth R&B, anyone?)
"Consider taking a hot shower or bath, tuning into sensations such as the smell of your body care products, the tingles radiating in your chest when the hot water hits you, or the soapy slipperiness of your hands against your body," Rensmith says. Then, "take time to dry yourself off and run lotion into your bits, attending to [any] soreness in your muscles, or the softness of your skin. A sensation meditation with your body helps to tune in to the pleasure that is possible."
Your brain is actually your biggest erotic aid, says Millheiser. She recommends tapping into your fantasies as you get going. But if your imagination just isn't cutting it (no worries!), there's no reason not to break out some ethical porn, rewatch your favorite movie sex scene, or read a sexy book.
Not a visual learner? Thanks to audio erotica, you can listen to a tale, too, while letting your mind do the rest of the work. "There's an app called Dipsea filled with tons of sexy audio stories to get you going," Richmond says. "[Some people] like the story around it [and then] being able to create their own visuals."
True, masturbation typically involves some kind of genital stimulation. But that doesn't mean touching your other erogenous zones can't feel good, too. Brito suggests taking your time to explore all the parts of your body to figure out what feels good and what's just okay. "Touch gently and, with curiosity, label the parts that feel most sensitive, arousing, ticklish, and uncomfortable," she says.
"If you are in the early stages [of masturbating], you want to get to know the areas of your body that make you tick," adds Millheiser. And the vulva and vagina aren't the only areas that can turn you on, she says.
"Starting with your fingers is the best way to engage in masturbation," Millheiser says. Just as there are countless ways for someone else to finger you, you can use your hands to figure out what feels the best: gentle tapping sensations against your clit, penetration towards your G-spot, or even cupping the area with your palm.
And don't be afraid to explore the backdoor, too. "You don't have to go inside the ass to enjoy its pleasure potential," Fleming says. The entrance of the anus has as many nerve endings as the tip of the penis (about 4,000!).
When you begin exploring anal masturbation, "start externally and get comfortable and familiar with the sensation," Carol Queen, PhD, a staff sexologist at Good Vibrations previously told Women's Health. Add a squirt of lube to your finger and simply circle the entrance to start.
"The whole is greater than the sum of our sexual parts," says Nan Wise, PhD, a licensed psychotherapist and certified sex therapist. Translation: Combining stimulation from multiple erogenous zones (i.e., the clitoris, vagina, cervix, nipple, inner thighs, and anus) can add up to some serious pleasure.
Unsure where to start? "Give yourself permission to lay down and let your hands wander," suggests Brito.
You switch positions in sex, so why not when you masturbate, too? "There is no one position that works for everyone. You have to experiment and find what's right for you," Millheiser says.
Some people like to rub their clit against the bed, while others like to lay on their back. Some like to keep their knees bent; others like to splay their legs out straight; and others still like to lift their legs into a V-shape. Moving around can help you figure out what feels best for you.
Lubrication is a pretty important part of masturbating because "it makes stimulating your genitals much more comfortable," says Millheiser. There are many reasons you might experience vaginal dryness (from medications to menopause to dehydration), and bottled lube can help your solo sesh feel a lot better, Millheiser adds.
If dryness is an issue for you (and you're not using a silicone sex toy), Millheiser also suggests trying silicone-based lubes, as they last longer. But if you're using a silicone toy or vibrator, make sure to stick with a water-based formula.
The modern vibrator is pretty much the best thing ever invented since sliced bread (better, even). From bullet vibrators to wands, there are a ton of options out there for you to try, including oral sex-simulating toys.
Looking to mix it up? You can also try a different kind of toy that might provide sensations to another erogenous zone, like nipple clamps, cock rings, or non-vibrating dildos. One type worth trying is a glass or stainless steel toy, suggests Wendasha Jenkins Hall, PhD, a sex educator and researcher. You can place it "in the fridge or warm water before a session, then use it on sensitive areas like the breasts or thighs to provoke sensually intense reactions," she says. Temperature play, anyone?
If you're new to sex toys, "hit up your favorite sex shop and take the time to interact with toys before you buy," says Rensmith. "A knowledgeable staff person can show you all the options to help you make a selection based on the kind of stimulation you're seeking."
As tempting as it may be to make your toy do all the heavy lifting, try to get your body into it. Rock your hips to the rhythm of the vibration, or move your pelvis in a circular, figure 8-style motion. Doing so will help you stay present and maximize all the sensations you're feeling. You might even happen upon some erogenous zone you didn't know would get you going, says Richmond.
Always getting busy while watching Netflix in the living room? Head to your office chair. Usually in bed? Move it to the floor, or even the car if you're feeling especially adventurous, Hall suggests.
One place you should definitely try? The shower. In fact, many individuals reach orgasm by pointing the stream of water onto their clitoris, according to Millheiser. "It's like a quick and easy vibrator -- that pulsating sensation on the most sensitive area on the human body," she says. (Not to mention, it's nice and warm.)
Getting yourself to orgasm during solo play doesn't mean you always have to go full throttle. You might want to try a technique known as edging, which basically involves masturbating to build up sexual tension in your erogenous zones, then backing off just before you're about to climax.
"Edging can make orgasm feel much more powerful, intense, and enjoyable," licensed psychotherapist and sex specialist Vanessa Marin, LMFT, previously told Women's Health. And it's a solid way to draw out the pleasure before the grand finale, especially if this isn't your first bedroom rodeo, says Wise.
"Masturbation doesn't have to be a solo activity. Masturbating in front of your partner or engaging in mutual masturbation can heighten desire and serve as an opportunity to explore each other's bodies," Hall says. This way, you can show your partner exactly what gets you going. Keep an eye on where their hands roam on their own body to do a little learning yourself.
This is also a biggie for couples in long-distance relationships. "They can hop on a video call and put on a sexy show for each other," says Hall. You can bet it'll make the reunion so. much. hotter.
13. Focus on pleasure, *not* orgasm.
Don't rush it! Take as much time as you need, says Richmond. If you can make it an all-day affair, why not pull a Sex and the City and make it one? "Once a week or once every couple of weeks, maybe go into a self-pleasure session without orgasm having to be on the menu," Richmond suggests. Doing so can help you really explore your body instead of just rubbing one out real quick. In fact, going into masturbation with any expectations for yourself can make you feel anxious, says Brito. And stress can seriously kill the mood.
Still, if you find yourself freaking out because nothing's "happening," especially during your first try, that's totally normal and completely okay. Remember that you're experimenting in the name of being sexually healthy and don't need to impress anyone. Your only job is to "focus on discovering what feels the most pleasurable to you," Brito says. Take your time, and just feel it out. Literally.
Meet the Experts:
Megan Fleming, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist and AASECT-certified sex therapist based in New York City. Leah Millheiser, MD, FACOG, is a clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Stanford University. Wendasha Jenkins Hall, PhD, is a sex educator and researcher. Heather Brooks Rensmith, LCSW, is a licensed clinical social worker and AASECT-certified sex therapist serving Portland, Oregon and Washington. Holly Richmond, PhD, is a certified sex therapist and somatic psychotherapist. Janet Brito, PhD, is an AASECT-certified sex therapist and relationship therapist in Hawaii. Nan Wise, PhD, is a licensed psychotherapist, cognitive neuroscientist, and certified sex therapist.